


ever our lives entwined

by angellwings



Series: when the smoke clears [4]
Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Personal Growth, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27786121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angellwings/pseuds/angellwings
Summary: They’ve just gotten back from Rockford to visit her little sister. It had been a long time since she’d gotten a cuddle and given everything that had happened lately, she needed it. Matt found out she was going and offered to drive her. She’s not sure why she let him, apart from his hopeful puppy eyes that is. But he’d been very convincing.Matt walking her to her door shouldn’t feel like a big moment but he hasn’t been to her apartment since things fell apart 3 weeks ago.A lot has happened since then.
Relationships: Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Series: when the smoke clears [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027452
Comments: 41
Kudos: 162





	ever our lives entwined

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** This is it! The final part of this one shot journey! I hope you guys enjoy it! Thank you for all the love and support you all have given me and thank you to **katertots** again for all her help and suggestions and cheerleading! I wanted to get this last part done before I go back to my normal work schedule tomorrow. I know I’ve been posting a lot since 9x02 but that’s because I’ve been off work, haha. From here on out I might be posting a bit slower. 
> 
> I wanted to make sure I got this one done before then.
> 
> Anyway, without further ado, here’s the finale to the ‘when the smoke clears’ series.
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> xoxo

_******_

_“When it's said and done,_

_I'm yours forever._

_Like I said, I'm done,_

_I'm yours forever._

_I will surround you,_

_With a love too deep for words._

_Hold you from the world and its curse._

_So long as I have breath in my lungs,_

_Long as there's a song to be sung,_

_I will be yours and you will be mine,_

_Ever our lives entwined.”_

_-“Rose of Sharon” by Mumford and Sons_

_******_

“You really didn’t have to walk me up,” she tells him with a nervous swallow.

He gives her a tiny grin. “So, you’ve said, but I really don’t mind.”

“And you don’t have to carry my bag, I can take--”

“Sylvie,” Matt interrupts with a chuckle. “I’m happy to do it. It’s fine.”

She presses her lips together, eyes widening comically, and nods. “Right, okay. Well, thank you.”

They’ve just gotten back from Rockford to visit her little sister. It had been a long time since she’d gotten a cuddle and given everything that had happened lately, she needed it. Matt found out she was going and offered to drive her. She’s not sure why she let him, apart from his hopeful puppy eyes that is. But he’d been very convincing.

Matt walking her to her door shouldn’t feel like a big moment but he hasn’t been to her apartment since things fell apart 3 weeks ago.

A lot has happened since then.

First, she agreed to talk through whatever her relationship was with Casey. Second, Antonio came back to town and wanted a round three. (She said no.) Third, Matt began confiding in her and letting her inside his head. Fourth, he’d driven her to Rockford to see Amelia. And finally fifth, he’d decided it was time to move out of Severide’s. 

They’d discussed that more at length on the drive home. She was excited for him but a part of her refused to believe it. Hearing him talk about it helped.

_“Chicago is my home, now and forever, it’s time I start acting like it, you know? Put down actual roots and get comfortable — well, settled at least if not comfortable. A mortgage doesn’t sound so intimidating when you’re exactly where you want to be.”_

Exactly where he wants to be? Does that mean where he wants to be is with _her_? It sure sounded like it but being in Chicago and being with her are two different issues. She’s been struggling with the idea that Matt might actually choose her. No one ever has before so why would this time be any different?

But after today, it isn’t so hard to believe. 

He genuinely cares about her in a way that’s different than anyone who came before him. She can see it in the way he looks at her, the way he watched her with Amelia, and all the little ways he’d gone out of his way for not just her but Amelia and Scott too. He wants to be there for her and support her. He wants to see her happy. And it’s all started to feel like too much.

That moment in the diner was the first of many times she nearly told him she loves him.

But each time she’d remember that she’s waiting for Matt to make the next move. She got them started but it’s up to Matt to get them across the finish line — _if_ that’s what he wants.

Oh, god, what if she isn’t what he wants? What if he chooses Chicago and yet not her? And even if he does choose her there’s still a chance she could screw it up! It’s all she does! 

Plus, once those three words are out there, their friendship changes forever. Even if it goes the way she wants, they’ll be something completely different with a whole new set of stakes. Higher ones with more painful falls. Thinking he didn’t love her before they’d even tried anything hurt badly enough. Trying and failing might very well break her.

Sometimes, she wishes she didn’t love him if only because the size of her feelings terrifies her. She kept saying the next guy she dated would be The One. She wants Matt to be The One more than she’s wanted anything in a very long time. Which is exactly why she’s been running away from him (or trying to) from the very beginning.

She doesn’t know where they stand or where they go from here. And that’s _frightening_.

That unknown expanse is what has her holding on to the very last of her walls for dear life. She’s tired of protecting herself but until he tells her what he wants she _has_ to keep going — keep guarding her own heart.

His arm brushes hers as they wait for the elevator and the electric zap that crackles over her skin is almost unbearable. Living with her fear would be a lot easier if she wasn’t dying to kiss him again. Touch his face. Run her fingers through his hair. Feels his lips on her neck.

She wants him but she’s scared of what he represents, and that is a special kind of torture.

They step into the elevator. The building is old, so it’s a small space. Not cramped but not as roomy as newer elevators. They have room to stand apart and yet they don’t. Slowly, she feels herself drifting toward him as if he has his own gravitational pull. Their shoulders brush, followed by their arms. Matt slides a sideways glance over her and she feels his pinky slowly skim the edge of her hand, up and down, until it can curl around hers.

When she doesn’t pull away, he takes it a step further by fitting their palms together.

She bites her bottom lip to keep from grinning like a schoolgirl with a crush. It’s not a big deal to stand in an elevator holding someone’s hand, fingers intertwined and thumbs caressing skin, but it is to _them_. 

The elevator doors open and Matt doesn’t let go.

Neither does she.

Oh god, what is she doing? She should put a stop to this. _Guard your heart, Sylvie!_ Remember that last wall. Maintain your distance. This is too much!

But if it’s too much then why does it feel so right?

She breathes deeply and, as they step out of the elevator, she uses all her will power to release his hand. She gives Matt an apologetic glance. Even knowing the distance is better for them both, she hates to disappoint him. He gives her a small sad smile in return. It’s amazing to her what she can read from his expression. He understands but he wishes things were different.

So does she.

As they walk down the hall toward her apartment door her hand tingles. They’ve never truly held hands before. It feels silly to be so amazed by how it felt. Only teenagers wax poetic about hand holding, but what can she say? Matt has the occasional power to turn her into a blushing, bumbling, bashful mess. She remembers teenage Sylvie and that sounds an awful lot like her. But as an adult woman, no one has done that to her. 

Until Matt.

Everything about what she feels for him is new and unique. She wants to lean into it, but the fact that it’s so different is the scariest part.

They come to a stop at her door and while she turns her key in the lock, Matt leans a hand on the door jamb over her shoulder which has the added effect of keeping him close. So close that she can feel his breath fanning over her neck. If he’d just lean in a few inches, she could once again feel his lips on her skin.

Please let him lean in a few inches. _Please_.

No! They can’t do that without having a very specific talk first! It wouldn’t be fair to herself or Matt. Plus, he _won’t_. She set the rules and her biggest one stated there would be no kissing until they figured this out. Matt respects boundaries. He’ll abide by them.

She clears her throat and then turns to face him, stepping back over the threshold of her door. “Well, looks like I’m home,” she says lamely.

“Yep,” he says, head bobbing awkwardly. “Looks like you are.”

He’s still holding her duffle and he’s made no move to hand it back. He looks as if he has no idea the strap is slung over his shoulder.

“Um, can I--Matt, my bag?” She says, reaching for the strap and then stopping before her fingers can brush his shoulder.

She snatches her hand back and shoves it in her coat pocket. Holding hands in the elevator is different than touching his shoulder in her doorway. Especially given the last time they stood in this exact same position.

“Oh, right, sorry,” Matt says, shaking himself back to the current moment and slipping the strap off of his shoulder. He hands it to her with a sheepish smile. “I, um, I had fun today, with you and Scott and Amelia.”

“Good,” she tells him. “I’m glad. Amelia really liked you. She had a big smile on her face every time she saw you.”

Who could blame her for that? Sylvie usually smiled when she saw him too.

“Yeah, well, she’s too cute not to love. Those big blue eyes of hers are ridiculous. She’s gonna be a heartbreaker. I can tell,” Matt replies with a warm chuckle.

“Oh, yeah?” Sylvie asks, leaning against the doorway. “How can you tell?”

He shrugs and smirks, meeting her eyes with a heartfelt glance. “She looks like you. _Of course_ she’s gonna have people falling over her. And I’ll definitely be one of them. Hell, I already am.”

“Oh,” Sylvie says with wide eyes and a bright blush. “I—just...thank you. That’s sweet.”

He shrugs, grinning shyly. “Sweet or not, it’s the truth.”

She looks away from him to hide her reddening cheeks, pushing her hair out of her eyes. “Thank you for driving me. You were right. It was nice not having to worry about it.”

“No, you did me a favor,” he tells her. “You let me spend time with you and meet your sister. That’s enough thank you.”

What in the world! When did he get so smooth? Is he on a mission to be as sweet as he possibly can? Is he _trying_ to keep her blushing for the rest of the night? If he keeps that up she may end up kissing him again and that’s the last thing he needs while he’s still working out his feelings.

“Well,” she says, twisting her watch band around her wrist. “It’s getting late. I should probably get to bed.”

His eyes flash with disappointment before he forces a small smile and nods. “Yeah, of course. I’ll, um, I’ll get out of your hair.”

He takes one backward step away from her door and looks so downcast that she can’t help but try and offer him some parting encouragement. She can’t bear to see him looking so...defeated.

“Matt?”

He glances up at her, still looking disheartened.

“I’m glad you’ve decided to put down roots,” she tells him, smiling warmly. “You deserve a place to call home. You know, somewhere that you can make all yours. Some place that will make you happy. For whatever future _you_ choose.” Even if it doesn’t include her, she thinks. She takes in a deep shaky breath to will away any sign of tears. She will not cry. _No_. “Honestly, all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy.”

Their eyes connect across the space and he shifts from disheartened to nervous and determined. His eyes roam her face as he exhales slowly. His Adam’s Apple bobs before he takes two decisive steps forward, placing himself directly in her space.

“Ask me again,” he insists urgently.

Her brow furrows in confusion. “Ask you what?”

His stare is pointed and expectant. “Your question. _The_ question from three weeks ago. I’m ready to answer it now.”

Oh, no. He wants to talk about Gabby. This is what she’s been waiting for all this time — what they’ve been building up to — but now that they’re here…

She’s afraid.

She was not prepared to have this conversation _now_.

“I don’t know that now’s the best time to—“

“Sylvie, please. Just ask me.”

She gulps when faced with his beseeching eyes and nods. There’s no way she can refuse him when he looks like that. But she can’t look at him when she asks. Not this time. Last time watching him stumble through an answer made it hurt ten times worse. She won’t do that again.

“If Gabby came back right now, tonight, and asked you to leave with her...would you go?”

Her voice is flat and monotone as she asks. Reliving the moment all her beautiful hopes and illusions were ripped apart feels a lot like pouring salt in her wounds. An overwhelming feeling of dread fills her, from head to toe. Better to assume the worst than let herself hope for the best — especially when it comes to her love life.

“No.”

 _No._ One simple word, but her head snaps up and her eyes immediately find his. “What?”

“No, I wouldn’t go. I haven’t gone and she’s asked me _twice_. I’ve never told you that before. She asked me once that first time she left and again when she came back last fall. I said no the first time and ignored the second,” Matt says, swallowing thickly and leaning a hand against her doorway. “Even if she came back to stay — for good, I’d still say no. I don’t want Gabby. Not anymore and not for a long time.”

“Then what do you want?” She asks, trying to calm the erratic beating of her heart. 

“You said, just now, all you’ve wanted is for me to be happy.”

She gnaws on her bottom lip and dips her chin in a slow nod. “I did.”

“Sylvie…”

She feels his hand under chin. His fingers tilt her face up so they’re eye to eye again. On his lips is a familiar smirk, soft and affectionate — full of adoration. The last time she saw it, she ran away. A part of her feels like doing that again now.

But she won’t. She won’t run from him anymore.

He sighs, as if he’s releasing a breath he’s been holding for weeks, and his smirk blooms into a smile. “ _You_ make me happy.”

There’s no way this is actually happening. She has to be dreaming.

“I...I do?” 

Oh, God, get it together. Why is this whole scene making her so...dumb?

He nods, smile still firmly in place. His hand slips from her chin to her cheek, thumb gently caressing across her skin. “Happier than I’ve been in a very long time. And I’m sorry it took me so long to answer your question or put any of what you make me feel into words, but you--everything about you and how I feel about you is so different from anything I’ve felt before that I didn’t recognize it at first. My head had to catch up with the rest of me. If that makes sense.”

It does. Knowing him like she does now, it makes _so much_ sense. Her eyes water and she finally releases her bottom lip, freeing her smile. She allows herself to lean into his touch, closing her eyes as she answers him. “It does. It sounds like a very Matt Casey reaction.”

He chuckles and to her ears it sounds thick, as if his throat is partially clogged by his emotions. He shifts closer, resting his forehead to hers.

“Should I tell you what I feel exactly or would that be too much?” He asks quietly.

“This already feels unbelievable to me,” she admits, breathing deeply to keep from crying. “Why stop now?”

His other hand wraps around hers, threading their fingers together as she speaks. As soon as she finishes she feels his brow creasing against her forehead. She doesn't think she’s ever physically felt anyone’s emotions before, but she can definitely feel Matt’s concern crashing over her in waves.

“Why is it unbelievable?” He asks.

He sounds wholeheartedly worried and it leaves her wanting to tell him _everything_. All of her fears and insecurities and the things that tie her up in knots night after night. How does he do that? How does he pull words out of her that she swears she’ll never tell a soul?

“Because no one’s ever chosen me,” she says, shaking her head against his. She pulls in a deep fortifying breath before she continues. “I’ve never quite been _enough_ for anyone.”

“God, I wish I’d been able to answer you three weeks ago,” Matt says, voice dripping with regret. “If I had then maybe--”

“No, Matt, I’d rather you have answered me truthfully. Please don’t wish that away.”

“But if I’d had an answer then you wouldn’t have been walking around for three weeks feeling like I--” He cuts himself off, tucks her hair behind her ears, and then inhales deeply. “Can you look at me, please?”

She nods and gulps before opening her eyes into his.

His eyes are such a change from the ones she looked into three weeks ago. These may have regret in them sure, but they also look confident and certain. There’s not a single bit of doubt to be found. “My answer had nothing to do with _you_. I was the one who had work to do. You--you have always been way more than _enough_. For me or anyone else. Never once was there a doubt in my mind that you could be everything I needed. That’s not what any of my confusion was about. It’s important to me that you know that.”

“It wasn’t?” She asks skeptically.

“No. God, no. It was about me realizing I’d let my failures hold me back. Letting go of the past has never been easy for me. Gabby is a big part of my past and I’d let myself get stuck in a...rut, I guess? I needed to get myself out of it and you’re a big part of helping me see that. I needed a push and you gave me the perfect one. If anything this was about _me_ being enough _for you_ \-- which I’m still not convinced I am, by the way. Especially now that I know I made you doubt yourself. You should _never_ doubt yourself, Sylvie. You’re...astonishing.”

Astonishing!

He called her astonishing. Has she ever been called astonishing? Who even uses that word anymore? Most importantly, he says it with so much conviction that she genuinely believes him. His words and his expression make her _feel_ astonishing. His belief in her feels like a heady drug or that rush of adrenaline after an intense call. It seeps into her bloodstream and sizzles through every inch of her. 

She feels _emboldened_.

Before she can stop herself, she wraps an arm around his neck and yanks his lips down to hers.

He lets go of her hand to brace himself against her door and smiles against her mouth before leaning into the kiss. She tugs him backwards, out of the hallway and across the threshold. It feels reminiscent of that night three weeks ago, but this time they’re going to get it right.

This time she has no intention of asking him to leave.

They pull apart so she can drop her bag and they can rid each other of their coats and as they come back together she ghosts her lips over his, pausing before she kisses him to speak.

“You’re beyond enough for me too, Matt Casey. I want to be a real part of your life and help you with whatever emotional baggage you have. Sometimes, it’s easier to carry when you’ve got someone who’s willing to help you and I’m more than willing.”

He stares at her with a stunned smile while holding her tightly against his chest, frozen in place as if he doesn’t know what to say. He takes a deep breath, having finally found the words to reply, but she never once expected the words that came next.

“I love you. I realize that considering all the shit I put you through the last few weeks that you may not feel the same yet but I--I don’t want to hide anything I feel from you anymore so just know that...I _love_ you.”

 _Holy shit_.

She did not see that coming.

But it feels amazing. She immediately wants to hear him say it again. 

He loves her! Matt Casey loves her!

“I love you too,” she responds, running her hands through his hair and lightly scraping her nails over his scalp. “And I don’t care what’s happened the last few weeks. Not after tonight. I only care that we’re both here, in this moment, right now. And _later_ we can figure out how to move forward.”

Now that she knows she can touch him, she can’t seem to stop. She runs the backs of her fingers over his cheek and unleashes a wide watery smile. This is everything she’s been wanting for entirely too long. She wants nothing more than to savor all of it. Every touch, every kiss, every second of every minute.

“Later, huh?” He asks, as his smile turns wolfish. “And what are we doing until then?”

“Well, we’ve worked through the past,” she tells him while pulling him backward toward her couch. “And I just thought we should take a moment to enjoy the present before we start talking about the future. Maybe...pick up where we left off three weeks ago?”

He quirks a brow and runs his hands from her back to the underside of her thighs. “I can get on board with that. I think we were about... _here_.” His grip tightens on her thighs as he lifts.

She laughs with a soft squeak, wrapping her legs around his waist. Her arms fold around his shoulders as she dips her head to his. Her nose bumps his while they wear matching smiles. 

“Sounds right to me,” she replies.

He stops just before their lips meet again and lets his eyes wander over every one of her features. Normally, a look that long would make her feel self conscious, but there’s nothing but appreciation in Matt’s stormy blue eyes. She curls her fingers in the short hair at the nape of his neck and lets him look as long as he wants, blushing very slightly at the attention.

“I truly do love you,” he repeats earnestly. “Those aren’t words I throw around lightly.”

She nods, trying to give herself a moment to get a grip on the joyful tears in her eyes. “I know. I don’t say them easily either, and I won’t lie and pretend it doesn’t terrify me but I’m done fighting it. I love you too. More than I can probably express in words.” She brings one hand up to brush away the longer hairs that have fallen across his forehead and then rests her head against his, grinning wickedly. “Which is why you should probably get back to kissing me. Whenever you’re ready.”

“Copy that,” he says with a chuckle and nod before sweeping in to close the small distance between them.

Kissing Matt Casey before she knew he loved her was amazing enough, but kissing him after feels twice as intense. As if her future starts now. As if Matt Casey has altered the course of her life and nothing, from here on out, will ever be the same. She knows it won’t be easy, but she’d rather take the hard path with him than the easy one with anyone else.

She’s taking the leap and, this time, he’s taking it with her.

It’s terrifying and exciting and she can’t wait to see where it leads.


End file.
